Koching up some trouble

By Capt. Fogg

"Good Lord. These are truly evil people"

says The Impolitic and it's hard to disagree. Of course the people that thought it would be a "conservative" thing to do; giving struggling Detroit homeowners fake foreclosure notices, don't think they're being vandals trying to destabilize civilization and built a "conservative" Utopia on the ruins. In fact the Koch brothers who seem to be behind this prank have a vision for the future that more resembles an Orwellian horror with the part of Big Brother played by corporate robber barons like them and the sinister, black menace portrayed by Barack H. Obama. Their lackeys see it otherwise, I'm sure. A step in the final solution of the "colored problem" that the Liberals and do-gooders brought upon Detroit and a reaction to the stunning affront of ACORN having forced a black president on us -- a man nobody voted for, of course. The new North. It's the old South without the sheets.

It's truly hard to describe this sort of thing in the way we describe rational human conduct, because it isn't any more rational than drunken football hooliganism or beer hall riot -- and a hell of a lot more dangerous. It's all the more dangerous for the lack of attention given. CNN.com today provides a bright colorful farrago of sex scandal, new Facebook features, the exploits of rappers and little else. Indeed what else concerns us?

(Cross posted from Human Voices)

Who said Vaudeville is dead?

by Distributorcap

We all might have trouble deciding which Republican candidate (or potential candidate) is the most loathsome. But you have to admit - the current crop of GOP media stars are so entertaining, it is almost as if Vaudeville has finally made its much talked-about comeback.

For sheer entertainment value, there is nothing quite like the Sarah Palin show. Palin never fails to deliver something of value in the hilarity department - and for that all the comedy writers of the world should be eternally thankful. But I will say that the past three years have taken its toll on this former beauty queen and one-time MILF to the American male. Looking at her on the tube lately, you can see her testosterone raising skills are apparently hitting some bumps and grinds. The incredible hard-work she puts into making millions of dollars (which from looking at Palin is way tougher than governing Alaska), while not helping develop her intellectual skills (that is something no amount of money can buy), is showing up in the form of crow's feet and a more haggard look. And while Sarah still pops up on Fox to blather on about nothing (but she has recently talked about the fire in her belly for a Presidential run, whereas Todd is probably hoping there was some fire down below) - now apparently even her current boss, Roger Ailes, thinks she is an idiot.  From next week's New York Magazine:

"Roger is worried about the future of the country. He thinks the election of Obama is a disaster. He thinks Palin is an idiot. He thinks she's stupid. He helped boost her up. People like Sarah Palin haven't elevated the conservative movement."

To be beautiful and dumb is one thing - but to be haggard and dumb - well that is a horse (or rather moose) of a different color. Sarah's latest look shows that Fox News apparently spends more money on putting up incorrect graphics than on hair and wardrobe people. The faux-Jaclyn Smith hairdo combined with the faux-Jackie Kennedy pink jacket - proves that Fox really is Faux - and has no taste. Vaudeville might be old fashioned - but at least have some taste! Also to quote Rizzo from Grease "she's too pure to be pink."

Michele Bachmann also fits the entertainment playbill quite nicely. While almost as narcissistic as Palin (while narcissism is a required trait of all GOP women, it is hard to top Palin in that category) - Palin at least knows that Alaska is near Russia. Bachmann had trouble placing revolutionary war sites Lexington and Concord and claimed the founding fathers were the ones that eliminated slavery (probably from their re-education camps). But worse than her complete lack of knowledge of American history - Michele Bachmann, unlike Palin, is the real deal when it comes to teabagging. Bachmann time and time again demonstrates her complete contempt for the poor and needy and actually has a hand in making policy against the groups she so loathes. Palin, as a dyed-in-the-Chanel grifter, will say, do and believe anything for a buck.  But Bachmann, if nothing else, is a true believer.

Then there is Mittens. Mittens' problem is not so much that he is dumb like Palin (he isn't) or a true believer like Bachmann (he isn't either). Romney's big crime is that he is boring (and big no-no for the media - who only care if a politician can be entertaining), stiff (in the wrong way) and that he has absolutely NO principles. Plus the cable pundits really don't like him - he doesn't generate the ratings Palin or even Bachmann are capable of. Romney now must spend a huge chunk of his time (and money) defending and/or deflecting the health care policies he enacted as governor of Massachusetts - policies that the devil Obama used as a guideline. Instead of embracing what he did and owning up to it - he has said so many things to justify and distance - it actually makes him as entertaining as the cable pundits need him to be. He could be the new Jack Benny! But the long soap opera that is Mitt Romney - All My Flip-Flops - his on-stage persona makes him more like the Neville Chamberlain of Vaudeville than the Huey Long.

Then there is Rick "man on dog" Santorum. What he is even doing on the stage is beyond the scope of all reasoning. But the cable pundits find him entertaining - so in the scope of American political discourse today - I guess that means he is credible. Santorum has the good fortune of being described by one of John McCain's advisors as the dumbest Senator in 30 years. As his skit - Santorum has been using the running gag that John McCain - who was tortured for five years as a captor of the North Vietnamese - doesn't really understand torture. This is same man that brought home his wife's miscarried fetus for "show and tell." to his kids. The good thing is that Santorum's act will be dragged off quickly.

Then there is current center of the three ring circus - Newt Gingrich. Newt's opening act has been a bit rough and has gone back for several re-writes in the past week of so. Right Wing Social Engineering is a not a term to be bandied around the Vaudeville theater with the expectation of getting patrons to pay their dues. Neither is supporting Medicare or any other program the guys across the street might be playing on their bill.

But it is Newt's love of the little blue box that seems to be attracting the most curiosity in this bad act known as the Republican party. Gingrich (and his trophy wife - not the one with cancer) apparently ran up around $500,000 in bills at Tiffany's - the famed jeweler. Newt today defended his purchases at Tiffany's on Meet the Press.

"We're private citizens. I work very hard. We have a reasonably good income. I currently owe nothing except I owe one mortgage on a house that's a rental property in Wisconsin. Everything else is totally paid for. My home is paid for, my cars are paid for, we don't have a separate house. We don't do elaborate things."

Nope - $500,000 worth of Elsa Peretti hearts and silver pens is not what I would call elaborate. It is just the thing the everyday American does - spending $500,000 at Tiffany's. I just got back from the store myself.  It warms the audiences heart to know that Newt and Callista have such tragic problems deciding what to buy at Tiffany's (with those extended Bush tax cuts) while the very people who keep voting for lunatics like Palin, Bachmann, Romney, Santorum and Gingrich can't afford gasoline or food for their kids.

Two of the larger than life candidates - Huckabee and Barbour have both dropped out of the race (which should be a big relief to the carpenters who are building the stage to house these Vaudeville acts). Though I bet those same carpenters are worried about the potential entry of Chris Christie into the show.  Thanks to the policies of the GOP since Reagan and the decimation of every regulatory agency in the government, they just don't build stages like they used to.

I am not even going to get started with the arcade and sideshow acts of Ron Paul, Herman Cain and Gary Johnson.

And finally there is Tim Pawlenty - who like Romeny is boring, stiff and un-principled. But due to the fact he doesn't look as good as Romeny does on camera - poor T-Paw is going to be relegated to the role of understudy for Mittens.

As they say - the show must go on.

The Myth of the Gorgons

by Distributorcap

"About her shoulders she flung the tasselled aegis, fraught with terror...and therein is the head of the dread monster, the Gorgon, dread and awful, a portent of Zeus that beareth the aegis."

Homer

In Amerikkkan culture, the three Gorgon (Γοργών ) sisters are terrifying female creatures who have infiltrated the media landscape. Gorgon derive from the Greek word for dreadful - gorgos. While descriptions vary across Amerikkkan mythology media, the power of these sisters is real - their horrifying visage of snakes for hair turns anyone who beholds them into teabags. The three sisters live on some sort of Rovian plane.

Sarahtheno, the eldest, is known for her inability to finish anything she starts (as a child Sarahtheno had to be home schooled for Russian literature by 5 different professors!). Sarahtheno is also sometimes known as "the levitra one" to as she also has a special power to increase "blood flow" in white males over 65. Janurale - which means "she of the prune" - made her mark by withholding organ transplants from needy peasants and arresting all nonwhites. However it is the youngest sister Michellusa that has the most vile look - a headful of poisonous King Cobra snakes.

As Aeschylus warned:

Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged

With snakes for hair and love of teabag men

Roman poet Ovid (Metamorphoses 4.770) wrote that Michellusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors," and priestess in Reagan's temple, but when she and the "Lord of the Tea" Pawlentidon lay together, this enraged her sister Sarahtheno, who transformed Medusa's beautiful hair of garden serpents to King Cobras and made her face so terrible that she would turn mere mortals into a stoned teabags.

Last month, there was pandemonium in Amerikkka when a strand of Michellusa's hair fell off and somehow landed in the Bronx, New York.

There is a male creature that is as terrifying as the Gorgon sisters: The Trumptaur

Ayn't She Sweet

by Distributorcap

The 112th Congress opened today - and it isn't taking long for teabag insanity to rear its ugly head straight from the rectum of an colic elephant. Led by the orange Oompah-Loompah from Ohio and his band of mirthmakers, the next two years are guaranteed to supply a plethora of fodder to the comics, photoshoppers and intelligentsia of this country. Sadly it will also be two of the most pathetic, tragic and regressive years for the America people.

In honor of this new and improved form of psychosis known as the House of Representatives, we announce the creation of the Randbag Award. This award, named in honor of the Queen of Insensitivity herself - Ayn Rand - will be given on a regular basis to a most deserving member of the In-crowd - the teabagger that shows the most insensitivity, insanity, intolerance and/or inappropriate behavior. With the land inside-the-beltway now polluted by an overabundance of dirt-teabags - this is sure to be a very, very competitive award.

First up - Diane Black - freshman Congressteabag from 6th district of Tennessee

One of the early signs for the onset of GOP dementia will be the parade of teabaggers demanding the repeal of the Affordable Health Care Act - the watered-down and insurance company-friendly health care bill that took all the oxygen out of Washington to pass last year.

Ms. Black has stated her case for repeal - and it meets all the earmarks of a Randbag.

There is a mandate there that insurance companies must insure children up to the age of 24, and what we have found is that there are a lot of insurance companies that are just saying we’re not going to be in this business any longer, because we know that we can’t survive if that’s what we’re going to do.

And the second piece of that was to insure children regardless of their health care history, and as a result of that, I know several health care insurance agents in my district who have said we’re just dropping any insurance for children whatsoever.

Those damn sick kids - they are just medical terrorists! Better for them to die than to force insurance companies and agents out of business. After all, it is just too expensive to pay claims to those sick people who paid premiums.

Ms. Black (a registered nurse!) couldn't be more clear - she is more concerned about the bottom line of insurance companies than the health and well-being of children. But then again she is a teabagger who campaigned on the nasty things liberals want to do to ruin America - so this should come as no surprise to her constituents.

Ms. Black thinks the provision in the law that allows parent to keep their children on their policies to age 26 (not 24 as she states - it is amazing how many teabaggers in government don't even bother to get the facts straight while they are criticizing) is just too burdensome for the poor burdened insurance companies. She also thinks that requiring insurance companies to insure sick kids is just another form of cadillac-driving welfare - and that this is just too anti-capitalist.To put this simply,  Representative Diane Black of Tennessee looks forward to watching the ailing children of America drop dead - it is good for the bottom line.

Diane Black describes herself a champion of long-term health care for the disabled - and of course like all good teabaggers - she is for strong family values.  Values like the ones that let families watch their children get turned down for insurance because they have diabetes, cancer, muscular dystrophy or some other illness. Values that will force families to choose between food and medical care for their kids.  I can guarantee you that Diane, her three children and six grandchildren all have good health policies. While she attends Community Church in Hendersonville, I am sure Ms. Black pats the heads of all the healthy children in the pews.

Diane Black believes that access to health care -even for kids - should be based on the ability to pay, not on any moral obligation or need. Diane Black is also saying that it is okay for insurance companies to drop you - and kids - once you get sick, that they are not required to deliver services even after you pay. Diane Black cares more about the viability of insurance companies than she does not care about Americans - or her own constituents.   Or rather Diane Black cares more about receiving her campaign donations from insurance companies, agents and brokers than she does about affordable health care for kids.

Let's give her some credit - Ms. Black is right in one respect - it is time to get insurance companies out of the health insurance business and have universal coverage - so no family has to stress out wondering how they will pay for an ill child.  Only Diane Black is right for all the wrong reasons and Diane Black will NEVER vote for universal coverage.

As another worshipping teabagger at the Temple of AynRand,  Diane Black thinks health care is a privilege - for those rich white folks in Tennessee. For the poor - well that is too bad, have the community take up a collection. In addition, Diane Black was on-board with the hate-the-Islamic-Center crowd. She is a true teabagger through-and-throuh - the hate oozes out of her pores.

For showing insensitivity and idiocy early on - Diane Black is the first recipient of the Randbag.