Top Ten Cloves: Ideas for Mayor Dave Bing to save Detroit

By J. Thomas Duffy

News Item: Mayor of Detroit welcomes any ideas to save troubled city

10. Tell those 400 Super Bowl Fans who got mushed that you won't let them down, that you have 400 seats for them in Detroit

9. Get on the phone with Dolly Parton and see if the two of you can brainstorm "Detroitwood"

8. Help out the Egyptian protesters and see if President Hosni Mubarak would be interested in one of those $1,000 houses

7. Recruit LeBron James so we can hear, "I'm bringing my talents to the Motor City"

6. Beat her to the punch and trademark the name "Sarah Palin" -- you'll make millions

5. Hire Keith Olbermann!

4. Announce that you're bringing in Christina Aguilera to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner at all sporting events in Detroit -- people will flock to the city to see if she flubs the lyrics again.

3. Work out a deal with Faux News and Glenn Beck, and offer Detroit as the first line of defense against the coming Caliphate

2. Call Tim Armstrong and see if AOL is still in the buying mood

1. Run a commercial: "Detroit ... Apply directly to your forehead ... Detroit ... Apply directly to your forehead"

Bonus Riffs

Noonan Gives Palin, McCain A "Full Detroit"

In The "Holy Cow" Dept; Denver Homeless Getting The Noonan "Full Detroit"

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)