NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

THIS WILL BE THE LAST BLOG I WRITE IN 2009. I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING, "BUT ISN'T TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY?" WELL KIDDIES, I WILL BE DRUNK TOMORROW AND, THANKS TO MY TAILOR WHO IS CURRENTLY HOLDING MY NEW YEARS DRESS HOSTAGE UNTIL MONDAY, I WILL MOST LIKELY BE NAKED.

EVERY YEAR PEOPLE MAKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS AND BREAK THEM. I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT I AM INCREDIBLY LAZY AND HYPOCRITICAL, SO I NEVER EVEN BOTHERED. BUT HEY, NEW DECADE, NEW START.

NUMBER 1

CAREER:

I WILL HAVE ONE.

NUMBER 2

MY LINE:

JACK GERMAIN HANDBAGS HAS SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR. MY PHOTOS NEVER DID MAKE IT UP ON MY WEBSITE BEFORE THE END OF THE DECADE, BUT HEY, WE'RE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS. RECENTLY I HAVE HAD AN EPIPHANY ABOUT MY HANDBAGS AND WHERE THEY ARE GOING. UNFORTUNATELY, THE EPIPHANY I HAD IS THAT THEY AREN'T REALLY GOING ANYWHERE. THERE WAS MORE DEMAND THAN MY NIMBLE FINGERS COULD HANDLE, AND THEREFORE, I HAVE DECIDED TO DOWNSIZE. NOT IN CREATING, BUT IN ACTUAL SIZE. SMALL LEATHER GOODS- IT'S THE NEW PLASTIC (GRADUATE REFERENCE, PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT THAT..). MY RESOLUTION IS TO WORK MY ASS OFF AND MAKE THIS HAPPEN. I REFUSE TO BE A 25 YEAR OLD UNFAMOUS DESIGNER.

NUMBER 3

NAIL BITING & GYM:

STOP. GO.

NUMBER 4

DATES:

I WILL NOT AGREE TO GO ON THEM WHEN I'M DRUNK. AS WE'VE LEARNED, THIS LEADS TO MEN WHO MAKE COMMENTS LIKE, "ARE YOU GOING TO CRY WHEN I EAT THIS MEATBALL? YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF THE ANIMALS.."

(WHILE WE'RE ON IT)

NUMBER 5

MEN:

TRY AND AVOID MEN WHO DON'T LIVE HERE AND WANT TO MOVE HERE FOR YOU, HAVE SECRET DRUG PROBLEMS, OR HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR GRABBING YOU INAPPROPRIATELY IN PUBLIC.

NUMBER 6

FRIENDS:

START ACCEPTING OFFERS TO SOCIALIZE AT OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES. THEY DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO COME TO YOU AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SIT ON THE COUCH. PLUS, IT'S PRETTY EMBARRASSING WHEN PEOPLE COME OVER AND NOTICE THE ASS DENT IN THE CHAISE LOUNGE.

NUMBER 7

FAMILY:

SEE THEM MORE. ALSO, SPEND LESS TIME ARGUING IN IKEA AND MORE TIME EATING ICE CREAM SUNDAES AT THE CARLYLE.

(SUMMER 2005)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!