Commenter Mr Allen Transcribes Michele Bachmann's Latest Wingnuttery

Some commenters mentioned they had difficulty reading the ACU letter from Bachmann. Commenter Mr. Allen graciously transcribed it:

Mr. Allen
The text of the Baka-mann letter (with transcriptor's notes, as appropriate):
(page 1)
"Dear Fellow Conservative,

Will you let Barack Obama KILL conservatism? (not like he can)

If you're the type of conservative I trust you are, I know your answer is a resounding 'NO!'

Because [sic] you and I have our work cut out for us opposing Obama's outrageous gangster government. (read, "a government that actually does its job for a change as opposed to 8 years of Bush & Pals")

What is happening in Washington right now is BIGGER than FDR's New Deal or LBJ's 'Great Society'... [sic]

...and far more dangerous to our freedom than both combined! (does she even know what a paragraph is?)

Obama's plans will do nothing less than socialize our economy and turn every citizen into a ward of the state. (no, they won't. The Republican Party wouldn't stand for it)

As a conservative, I'm deeply concerned. (sure you are...)

But [sic] I have some very big news. Despite what some doom-and-gloomers have been saying, there is still real hope.

And [sic] this is why I had to contact you today.

Now I just hope and pray you'll take the next two minutes to read this letter so I can explain why your help of at least $35 is so urgently needed. (panhandling, much?)

As you know, Barack Obama has embarked on the most radical presidency in America's history. (except for, you know, George Washington's and Dear Leader Bush's)

Obama is advancing a far-left agenda of Socialized Medicine, government takeover of the private sector, higher taxes, increased welfare spending, censorship of conservative talk radio and empowerment of radical community groups. (yes, no, sorta, maybe, no and no)

If government grows so vast that it gets its tentacles into every aspect of our lives (like what she's doing?), the American spirit of independence and responsibility will be BROKEN! (the same applies to every organization)

Obama's socialist (read, 'he disagrees with us, the prick') agenda is a dagger pointed right at the heart of conservatism, He's [sic] playing for keeps. (just like her)

Obama is a political street fighter who learned the rules of politics from the Democrats' Chicago Machine. (as opposed to Bachmann, who learned it in select parts of a book titled 'the Bible')
Today, 8:41:57 PM

(page 2)
Just consider Obama's ties to the radical group ACORN. (also consider the Bush family's ties to the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia and thus indirectly to Osama bin Laden)

For years Obama worked with, advised and even trained ACORN and its volunteers in community agitation. (any proof to back up this claim?)

So close is Obama to ACORN that his presidential campaign relied on it for crucial get-out-the-vote drives to win. (okay, so he convinced a whole lot more people to vote than usual. He still won)

But [sic, sentences should never begin with a conjunction] ACORN is a corrupt group, rotten to the core. (nope, no proof at all) It's been investigated for voter fraud (as have been many similar Republican groups) and its workers have been caught on tape in 5 separate cities willing to help set up brothels for underage illegal alien child prostitutes. (now she's just grasping for straws)

Yet, Obama has used his enormous (thanks to the Dear Leader) power as precedent to funnel millions of dollars into ACORN's coffers to strengthen this radical group and his base. (much like the Dear Leader, or any other politician)

Because Obama sees ACORN as his ideological 'shock troops' leading his 'revolution.' [sic, because what!?]

Obama wants to use ACORN to radicalize America because he isn't interesting (her words, not mine) merely in defeating conservatives... (here's the windup, and the pitch...!)

...HE WANTS TO ANNIHILATE US! (no need to shout, dear. Here, take your manic pills)

That's the purpose of ObamaCare, too. (quoth the raven, 'you're a bore!')

Obama's goal with ObamaCare is to make every American utterly dependent of [sic] Big Brother Government for health care.

Once every American citizen is on the dole of Socialized Medicine, Obama will have enormous power to decide how to 'SPREAD THE WEALTH AROUND!' (not likely, as such a process would take longer than he would have time in office, assuming he gets another term as president)

And [sic] by growing government into a LEVIATHAN, he will make small government, pro-family conservatives like you and me politically irrelevant. (given how well of a job her crowd does, I don't think he has to lift a finger)

Americans will be prevented by Big Government from relying on our own wits, ingenuity and hard work to take care of ourselves. (if this is so important to her, why doesn't she go live in the wilderness? Lots of wits, ingenuity and hard work needed to survive out there!)

This vision for America is my nightmare. (and her vision is my nightmare)

And [sic] as long as I have breath in my body (she must have the lungs of a bird as she doesn't seem to need to shut up every now and then to breathe), I will fight Obama's liberal agenda of higher taxes, Socialized Medicine, and funding of radical groups like ACORN. (the Charge of the Light Brigade, to be sure)

But the hard truth is that right now there are simply not enough conservatives in Congress to put a full-stop halt (that's a redundant statement if I've ever seen one) to Obama's socialism -- we can only slow him down.

Thankfully, conservative Americans are coming together to stop Obama's rocket train to socialism. (I think she means 'wagon train,' but with Bachmann it could be anything)
Today, 8:43:31 PM

(page 3)
And [sic] today I'm asking you to please join us. (FINALLY, she gets to the point)

American Conservative Union Strikeforce (ACU STRIKEFORCE) is the group to TAKE ON and TAKE DOWN Obama's agenda by rebuilding our party and helping elect real conservative candidates to Congress (this is either beginning to sound like Hitler's takeover of the Nazi Party or the Manchurian Candidate, I can't decide which)

ACU STRIKEFORCE doesn't support just any Republican candidate... (just none of the competent ones)

As the political arm of the American Conservative Union, the oldest and most respected conservative grassroots organization in America (not that they'd know grassroots if it danced naked in front of them while whistling the Star Spangled Banner), ACU STRIKEFORCE is dedicated to electing ONLY rock-ribbed conservatives. (can't be too many of those, given how unlikely it is to have ribs made from silicate. Maybe she's talking about a couple disabled WW I vets she knows...)

We must fight Obama's agenda tooth and nail until we beat it at the polls. (must she? Hasn't she and her brood done enough damage already?)

And [sic] we must win more seats in both the House and Senate to put the brakes on Obama's out-of-control spending. (not that it matters which party is in control of Congress, they spend roughly the same anyway)

Now I trust you see why this group is of such vital importance. (nope) And why after you sign your ACU STRIKEFORCE PLEDGE OF SUPPORT (you mean like those virginity pledges she's so fond of making young teens take instead of teaching them anything useful?) I hope you'll enclose an urgent contribution of $35, $50, $75, $100, $250, $1,000, or $5,000. (yep, more panhandling. You know she'll just keep it, right?)

Time is of the essence! (so stop reading this gibberish!)

Your immediate support will make a huge difference by helping to strike a severe blow to Barack Obama's plan to ELIMINATE conservatism -- before it's too late. (maybe if she wasn't so good at doing that herself conservatives might not be becoming an endangered species in Minnesota)

As a conservative, I'm sure you agree that there is nothing more important you and I could do at this time. (except for fixing our economy, getting our troops out of the Middle East, getting on the right track with our so-called 'war on terror' and getting corporate money out of our government, not that she cares about such minor details)

Please understand, Obama sees himself as a "Reagan-in-Reverse." (like any other competent president)

Ronald Reagan's strong national defense (anyone remember the 'Star Wars' space defense program?), tax cuts (for the rich, which he later took back after the catastrophic effect they were having on the economy), and support of traditional values not only won the Cold War (the Soviet Union imploded; Reagan had nothing at all to do with that), ended the seventies' economic stagflation (which he didn't have a hand in; he wasn't in office at the time), and ushered in an era of personal responsibility (which to this day he still has not taken responsibility for)...

...IT DISCREDITED LIBERALISM FOR A GENERATION! (if Reagan did such a good job of it, then why are there 'liberals' around today and why do they need to be stopped so urgently?)

Obama's socialist plans are nothing less than an attempt to remake America so completely that conservatives will GIVE UP and GIVE IN to the entire liberal agenda. (if the conservatives are all about personal responsibility, then why would they blame Obama if they 'gave in?')

I'm not throwing in the towel (she's seemingly incapable of that), I'm energized by freedom-loving citizens like you who are standing up across this nation to stop this socialist agenda (like how a generation ago the same people were standing up to stop that emancipation agenda?).

My friend, in the critical weeks ahead, ACU STRIKEFORCE

(page 4)
will be loading the counterattack against Obama's agenda. (sure seems to have a distinctly military tone, doesn't it?)

The battle (there we go again...) for America's future is being fought today! You, it's here today that we can take down Barack Obama's agenda! (guaranteed or your money back)

But we shouldn't kid ourselves. (oops, too late)

It won't be easy. (or will it?)

To keep building the type of grassroots (like the teabaggers) network we'll need -- ACU STRIKEFORCE and I must have your help within the next 14 days. (or the loan sharks will come for her kidneys and firstborn)

We must help support all the conservative candidates that are in direct opposition to Obama's socialism, and we must do it now. (kinda hard to directly oppose something that doesn't exist, but it's not like that'll stop her from trying)

If we do this, we can pull the rug of public support right from under Barack Obama (Obama counters by cartwheeling to safety) -- no campaign of charisma can save his agenda!! (she writes like Dare and most other angry 13-year-olds)

That's why I really hope you will do two things before you do anything else today (like think for yourself)...

1) Sign and return the ACU STRIKEFORCE PLEDGE OF SUPPORT (hail Zeon)

2) Send back an immediate contribution of $35, or even as much as $50, $75, $100, $250, $500, $1,000 or $5,000. (actually, they'd prefer blank checks)

Your help will be put to immediate use (paying off her student loans and supporting the gay holocaust bill in Uganda) to attack directly Obama's socialist agenda by helping those conservative candidates who are unafraid to speak the truth (pre-censored as usual by the Tea Party).

Remember, the more you can help today, the more damage we can do to Barack Obama's socialist agenda. It's just that simple. (not unlike all those 'instant money' toolkits and ebooks people sell on the internet for a hundred bucks)

So please be as generous as possible. (read, 'send us a blank check')

(In)Sincerely,

Michele Bachmann

P.S. ACU STRIKEFORCE is a unique grassroots group (funded by corporate interests) dedicated to stopping Obama (or any non-conservative) from reaching his ultimate goal of remaking America in his socialist image.

The time for you and me is now! So please sign the enclosed ACU STRIKEFORCE PLEDGE OF SUPPORT and send it back with your most generous (and heavily solicited) gift of $35, $50, $75, $100, or even $1,000 or $5,000 today! (I'm tempted to send them a bad check written for millions, just to see what effect the banking fees would have on their organization)"
Today, 8:51:42 PM
Mr. Allen
The ACU STRIKEFORCE PLEDGE OF SUPPORT text (again, with my own pithy commentary):

"Dear Michele,

I couldn't agree more! (the great thing is that technically speaking, I can't. I wouldn't agree even if she paid me)

ACU STRIKEFORCE is the perfect (insignificant rebellion that will be mercilessly purged by more tolerant people) vehicle to counter Obama's radical agenda (only radical for a Democrat, he's actually beating the Republicans at their own game) and plans for the TOTAL DESTRUCTION of our conservative movement (good riddance).

I realize how important it is that we be out there standing shoulder-to-shoulder (not unlike a firing squad) with as many hard-charging conservative Republicans as possible (maybe they'll attempt a phalanx formation!).

The future of our great nation is very much at stake! (not really, but she can dream)

In order to strengthen our mission, I have

[ ] Signed my ACU STRIKEFORCE PLEDGE OF SUPPORT
Signed: _______________________________________

[ ] Enclosed my (')most generous(') contribution to ACU STRIKEFORCE"